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Men Fix It While Women Discuss It First

Men and women are different, we all know that, but beyond the obvious are the invisible barriers that keep both genders from working harmoniously together. Each gender approaches a problem in different ways. Men offer quick solutions, while women need to discuss the problem first before drawing up the solution. This one area of communication where women often complain men do not listen to them.

According to John Gray, the author of Mars and Venus in the Workplace, men feel they have performed efficiently when he is able to offer solutions to problems quickly. They define their sense of self and competency by the results of their actions and the achievements of goals. To offer unsolicited advice to men is to presume they don’t know what to do, or are not capable of solving problems on their own. Instead of helping, it often produces friction between men and women.

Women, on the other hand, feel they are showing commitment to the workplace by giving suggestions on how to improve people and processes in the office. Accordingly, women define their sense of self by the quality of their work relationships and communication in the workplace. They value goodness, relatedness, and openness. Offering suggestions on how to solve problems is a woman’s way of showing support and helping.

To lessen the friction and encourage harmonious work relations between men and women, Dr. John Gray has this to say: Stop giving unsolicited advice. Men should not presume that women need solutions, and women should not presume that men would like unsolicited help. Women work better when they feel supported and understood, and men work productively when left alone to mull things over and implement the solution without interference.

The following tips can be found in John Gray’s book Mars and Venus in the Workplace:

Six Tips for Women in Giving Unsolicited Advice to Men

1. Direct requests are better received than suggestions or advice.

2. When making a request use “would you” instead of “could you.” “Would you” is direct and implies trust in the abilities of your male co-worker.

3. State simple facts and use the least amount of words.

4. Don’t presume to know something he doesn’t.

5. Don’t presume that he needs help.

6. Don’t presume that he is asking for your opinion.
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